This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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