week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
