chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
