U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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