Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
