Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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