You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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