Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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