Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
