If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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