this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
