ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
