john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
