Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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