At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
