Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
