you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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