I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did I show you my penis last night?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
