the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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