party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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