seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
