Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
