Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
