just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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