Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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