It's just like the Real World with babies
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
