he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
