just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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