i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
