Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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