I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
