Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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