i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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