Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
