I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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