its not stalking. its research.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
