hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
