What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My feet surprised me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
