So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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