Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
