Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
