batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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