Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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