So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
