i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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