he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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