I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
