A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
your room smells of hookers.
And success
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
