I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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