Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
