The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
