well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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