Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
