Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
