my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
