Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
