yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
