Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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