I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
