im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize