I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
