The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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