i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
