I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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