Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize