Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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