New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
