I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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