it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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