Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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