I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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