but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
