There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
