First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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