All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
its liver damage thursday
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
