cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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