Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
