My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
