I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
