How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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