forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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