I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
