end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
