I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
