so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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