I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
