nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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